A melancholy day

Last night when I couldn't sleep {again} I wrote a blog post in my head. Part of me now wishes I'd got up and written it down. It seemed perfect at the time, shame I can't remember a word of it now…

We had glorious weather on the weekend, blue skies and sunshine but then a late change swept in bringing rain and grey skies with it. The ache it caused in my joints was one of the many reasons I was awake.

Waking to the combination of weather, the lingering effects of pain meds and facing another day without any formal structure left me feeling melancholy. But when I recognised that feeling I chose not to embrace it but instead to get up and follow my five-step morning routine.

I felt myself lifting out of my funk until I got to step five and realised that the rain was too heavy to go for a walk and Sparky dog was asleep in his beanbag pretending it was still night. So, what to do? I was in the mood for some proactive tasks rather than sitting on the lounge staring mindlessly at social media while the hours ticked by.

First I shot off a text to an ex-colleague asking if he had any work going, then I emailed both of the companies who approached me with offers of work but have failed to produce any concrete projects and then, while I was on a roll, I shot off another message to the garage door people reminding them I was still waiting for the final adjustments on their job.  And then, just like that, the phone rang! It was the garage door rep; a technician is coming tomorrow. Sometimes you have to take any positive action as a sign and remember you make your own luck. 

And if I needed further proof that my 'putting it out there' vibe works, I just booked in a large professional organising gig. Seems my melancholy day has been turned on its head. 

And now the rain has stopped, I’m off to jump in puddles with my now-impatient furry friend.

Sparky: stop typing and start walking!

New Beginnings

In the blink of an eye everything changed.

Looking back, I know that's not true that the shift happened gradually, building up momentum until one day it just appeared to be an avalanche. But some days it still feels like at one moment I was 44, fit, happily married, kids almost grown, career on track and then I blinked and I was 47, in chronic pain, children grown, old career gone. The only common factor is that I’m still happily married. I’m not sure I’d still be standing if I had to stand alone. Rob and I have been through a lot these past few years, together we’ve changed and grown in response to our new circumstances. Mostly because we had to but, as time has gone on, also because we wanted to.

I’ve always been a lover of stories, I can still get lost in a good novel, days could pass without me noticing but I also love the stories of the real people around me. Everyone has a story that has made them who they are today. Some stories have made people, stronger, richer, kinder, sadder, poorer or meaner. The way you react to your circumstances, the way you bend and change or break and fall, says a lot about your character.

And so this blog is my story. Every day when I’m in the shower, walking the dog or working in the garden the words of my experiences come to me. A series of pictures in my head taking a lesson from what I’ve learnt, building on my knowledge and adding to my experiences, to my story. These illustrated words help me respond and grow each day. They’re not necessarily groundbreaking or exciting but they are the words that shape my new reality. Of late I’ve been writing them down, mini-essays that help to explain to me my experiences. I wondered what to do with these musings, if anything and mentioned to a friend I had been writing them. Her response: publish them.

So, I told myself I’d set up a new blog and I kept writing my daily thoughts and doings. But still I hesitated to create a new blog, my old one isn’t suitable, it and I have outgrown each other. I questioned myself about why I was hesitating and realised that my old friend perfectionism had come to visit. What if my words weren’t just right? What if people did find my writings interesting? And so on.

Then I told myself it was because I needed to take time to carefully design my new blog. It needed to reflect my new reality. The banner had to be just right, my bio on point, the colours inviting, the font easy on the eye. And so on.

Then last night I was scrolling through some quotes I’d collected and two leapt out and laughed at me.

So, here I am publishing my first post on a blog that is a work in progress. Just like me. Welcome!