In the blink of an eye everything changed.
Looking back, I know that's not true that the shift happened gradually, building up momentum until one day it just appeared to be an avalanche. But some days it still feels like at one moment I was 44, fit, happily married, kids almost grown, career on track and then I blinked and I was 47, in chronic pain, children grown, old career gone. The only common factor is that I’m still happily married. I’m not sure I’d still be standing if I had to stand alone. Rob and I have been through a lot these past few years, together we’ve changed and grown in response to our new circumstances. Mostly because we had to but, as time has gone on, also because we wanted to.
I’ve always been a lover of stories, I can still get lost in a good novel, days could pass without me noticing but I also love the stories of the real people around me. Everyone has a story that has made them who they are today. Some stories have made people, stronger, richer, kinder, sadder, poorer or meaner. The way you react to your circumstances, the way you bend and change or break and fall, says a lot about your character.
And so this blog is my story. Every day when I’m in the shower, walking the dog or working in the garden the words of my experiences come to me. A series of pictures in my head taking a lesson from what I’ve learnt, building on my knowledge and adding to my experiences, to my story. These illustrated words help me respond and grow each day. They’re not necessarily groundbreaking or exciting but they are the words that shape my new reality. Of late I’ve been writing them down, mini-essays that help to explain to me my experiences. I wondered what to do with these musings, if anything and mentioned to a friend I had been writing them. Her response: publish them.
So, I told myself I’d set up a new blog and I kept writing my daily thoughts and doings. But still I hesitated to create a new blog, my old one isn’t suitable, it and I have outgrown each other. I questioned myself about why I was hesitating and realised that my old friend perfectionism had come to visit. What if my words weren’t just right? What if people did find my writings interesting? And so on.
Then I told myself it was because I needed to take time to carefully design my new blog. It needed to reflect my new reality. The banner had to be just right, my bio on point, the colours inviting, the font easy on the eye. And so on.
Then last night I was scrolling through some quotes I’d collected and two leapt out and laughed at me.
So, here I am publishing my first post on a blog that is a work in progress. Just like me. Welcome!